a short story
I live in a shit-hole. Lying here ainât good. My bed stinks. I fart loudly and crawl through the thug of it and go to the kitchen. I can hear me mum snoring from here. It’s a small place. Yeah, course it is. Cockroaches nyere-nyere me as they scatter away. They feel safe, I reckon. At home. I open the fridge. There’s lots of space in our fridge. Green muck too. Fuck! The milk’s off. I drink from the sink tap. Tastes like Draino. What day is it? Shit! I’ve got to go to the dole office. There’s this fat fag creep there who looks at me like I’m a Macca’s burger with fries on the side, like that chick in that ad on TV. Hope I get the swami girl. She’s got Milo skin and eyes like mud cake. I shower, feel like a dump, take one. The Dettol soap is a nail clipping but it still strips every bit if moisture out of my skin. Me mum believes in squeaky clean. That and smack. Yeah, I know.
I can hear Scotty scratchinâ at the back door. I let him in and find a rusty can of four-bean mix in the cupboard, behind the tea bags she steals from the motel down on Cowper Road. A job sheâs got, three days a week. It used to be two days but she gave the manager a blowjob and got three. Thatâs what I reckon. I open the can with a bread knife and Scotty and I share it. I go into me mumâs room and scratch around in her side drawer and â bingo! – find a twenty-dollar bill. Fuckinâ awesome. Sheâs dead to the world. I cover her up properly after starinâ a bit.
On the floor I find a belt to use as a lead for Scotty. We go to the shitty local con store; mum keeps telling me I need to think about the future. Iâve got to get some dog food. The chink sits behind mesh wire the thickness of pencils. I slide two cans of Chow, a Snickers bar, and a half litre of milk at him. He doesnât look at me. I was 5 cents short on a packet of bbq chips once and he wouldnât let me have them. I broke his nose, the slanty-eyed prick! Now thereâs this fuckinâ pencil mesh everywhere. He gives me $1.50 change and I feel like punching him again. He knows it too. Fuckinâ reffos. Robbing us blind! Scotty craps on the footpath. I donât have a placky bag with me, never do, so I shove it into the gutter and get dogshit on my stubs. Bloody hell! I find a patch of grass inside a car tyre, push it aside, and try to wipe me toes clean with it; fuckinâ jeez, I must look like a spazo dancing or somethinâ. Scotty barks. Shut up ya dick! I see a couple of white haired geros up ahead. They stop talking and cross the street. âWhat are ya lookinâ at, ya coupla cunts! Youâll be dead before me. Iâm just walkinâ me dog! Sa free country!â They scurry on a bit, as fast as their skinny little bandy legs can carry them. Ha! Makes me want to vommi. The pricks!
Charlie finishes serving a chick with her skirt up her crack. âMorning, Bo. What can I do for youâ. He looks at me. I look at him. He knows what Iâm goinâ to say. âMe mumâs still sleepinâ it off and thereâs no food in the joint. I gotta go to the dole office. Can I have a burger?â âWhat about your mum?â he says. âYeah,â I say. âCan ya make it two?â He looks at me like his shit donât stink but he bailed me out once so mum says I canât give him no lip. I gotta swallow it. Feels like nails. He goes to make the burgers. I stand and wait. I look out through the big window onto the street and see that pansy from the pub on the corner; the pub where they do prissy shows watched by chicks in merks and blokes with haircuts. I looked through the window one night at a couple of guys in frocks telling jokes about god and the prime minister. The crowd was lapinâ it up. Some sort of code, I reckon, like commi shit or somethinâ. The sissy-boyâs with his dicky little benji-dog. He bends down and picks the stupid mut up as good olâ Scotty yaps fit to split and goes for his ankles. Rip him to sheds, Scotty! Little Scotty wonât leave him alone and his fluffy mut yaps in his arms. Iâd laugh if I had the energy. Charlie gives me the burgers and I say âThanksâ like me mum said I had to. Scotty keeps barkinâ and jumpin and the sissy-boyâŚâHey!â The cuntâs tryin to kick my dog. âHey! Shit face! What the fuck do ya think ya doinâ?â I run right up to him and stand right up to the prick with my chest in his face. He looks like heâs goinâ to shit himself. âYou tryin to kick my dog? Hey!? Hey!? Ya fuckinâ cunt! Kick my dog and Iâll smash ya fuckinâ face in!â The fag tries to speak, âWell Iâm not going to push a dog away with my hands, am I?â âWhatâs that supposed to mean,â I scream at him. âYou tryin to be some kind of smart arse? Hey!? Hey!? Are ya!? Hey!?â and the cunt turns and walks away. âIâm askinâ ya a question, dum-fuck. Whatâs a poofta like you tryinâ to kick me dog? Hey!? Fuckinâ nancy-boy, take-it-up-the-arse, shit-pusher! Go on, answer me fuck-face. Poofta!â I yell and it feels real good. Heâs shakinâ and can hardly walk straight. And then he stops and turns his lilly-white pansy-boy-face, white as froth, and says to me somethinâ like if I wanna insult im or somethinâ Iâll have to find somethinâ diffârent than whatâs true. What?! âWhat did you say!?â I scream. I donât know what heâs tryinâ to say. âWhat the fuck!â I yell spit on his nose. âHa!â I scream but the feel-good stuffâs oozinâ away and I hate it, but heâs still shakinâ hugginâ his stupid dog. I can taste his fear and it tastes good, salty-sweet. Iâm runninâ out of words. He walks away. âYa fuckinâ cunt!!â I scream. My face is burninâ and the heat in my body and lumps in my throat choke me, and I so fuckinâ hate it â âI fuckinâ hate it!â I scream at the sky; when smartarse pricks throw words at ya that donât make sense. âAaah!!â And I hear a few doors open and close. âWhat the fuck are you lookinâ atâ I bellow at whoever can hear. But, I scared him shitless didnât I? Yeah, the prick. Scotty is pullinâ on my belt, with his tail down and pullinâ away from me. âCome here! Ya my fuckinâ dog! Mine! Come here, ya prick.â And I canât yell anymore and I walk away dragginâ Scotty like a pyjama bag I saw a kid with once on TV.
I sit under the concrete steps that go up to the freeway and try to stop the drumminâ in my ears. I eat my burger. It helps. Scotty looks at me like he doesnât know nothinâ. I give him a piece of bun. He eats it. I still feel hot but itâs goinâ away. I walk up the stairs to the freeway, and along the footpath to the park and let Scotty off the lead. He doesnât know what to do. âRun, ya prick,â I say. I walk over to a tree and lean against it listeninâ to that drumminâ again. Itâs getting fainter I think. A poxy bloke in a suit comes up to me and says, âHey, pretty boy! Want to make a bit of money?â âFuck off,â I say but it sounds weak. It comes out like Iâve got a cold, or somethinâ. âWhat do you say to twenty bucks for a blowjob?â he says with just a slit on his shiny face, like weâve done this before. âFuck off,â I say again. More like a whisper this time. But I think about the money and how I can get the bus to the dole office, and maybe, some food for tonight. I gotta think of the future, like me mum says. âFifty,â I say. âNo blow, just a hand.â âOK, twenty though,â he says. âFifty or nothinââ I say and make it like I donât care.
His little dick is hot is my hand but it doesnât take long, thank kryst, and no way did I let the faggot touch me. No way. He messed his expensive shirt which made me smile which gave him the wrong idea. I wiped my hands on the grass and took off with my bus money. Needle-dick loser. I took Scotty home. Me mum was still dead to the world. I put her burger in the fridge. I took the bus to the dole office.
I sat on the bus next to a chick with really big knockers, a green t-shirt and cut-off jeans. I said, âGâday.â She looked up from her phone. Nothinâ. What is it with chicks who wonât even say gâday. Stuck-up bitch. I gotta get myself a phone. Yeah. The fat creep isnât on duty today. Yeah, but the swami girl is. I wait and let some nuf-nufs go before me so I can get swami-girl. I sit at her desk. Sheâs really pretty and has a purple scarf-thing over her black hair.
âHi, Bo. How you been going?â
âOK.â
âJust, OK?â
âYeah.â I hand her my form.
âYouâve been to see all this people; all these jobs?â
âYeah, course.â
âIf I rang some of these people, theyâd remember you?â
âSâpose not.â I ainât stupid. âThey see heaps of fuckers.â
âHowâs your mum?â
âOK.â
âStill working her two days a week?â
âSheâs not working. Hasnât worked in monthsâ
âI thought she was at the motel two days a week.â
âNah, when it came to pay day the prick wouldnât pay her. Sackâd her.â Canât tell swami-girl the truth, mum said.
âI see.â She goes down the list of interviews Iâve done, well, done some of âem. She looks at me like she likes me. I like her too. Sheâs wearinâ lots of flowing clothes so I canât get the jist of her body, but I bet itâs alright. I start imagininâ her black swami bush between her legs and I get a hard-on. I wanna touch her. I look at her hands and sheâs wearinâ a few rings. Sheâs not supposed to wear stuff like that at work. Ya can get smashed fingers from some prick whoâd cut your hand off as soon as look at ya. Theyâd fetch a bit, I reckon. She looks at me. I look at her. The kind of too-long look you see sometimes in movies. I reckon she likes me for a fact. âNice rings,â I say. She looks at her rings and takes them off. Fuck! Why she do that for? âI was just lookinâ.â âSure,â she says but you can see sheâs scared a bit. Stupid bitch! She looks at me again and thereâs somethinâ she wants to say.
âItâs fuckinâ OK, alright?â I say.
âIs it Bo?â
âYe-ah!?â Whatâs she gettingâ at?
âYouâve got to think about the future, Bo.â
âYeah well I am! Me mum says that shit all the time. I wanna get a phone.â I think about that loser in the park. I gotta get a phone. Sheâs lookinâ at me. Now, I donât know if she likes me or not. This is what I donât get. Chicks look at ya and ya know what they want, and then they look at ya again and itâs different. Or they look at ya and ya know what they want, so you do it, and then they scream at ya, call you names, and piss you right off.
But she signs my form and I say, âThanks.â
âSay Hi to your mum,â she says. âNext!â she yells.
I go into the city to make me feel normal. When youâre in the city ya can be anyone walkinâ around. I look at them and they look at me and see what I see, just pricks walkinâ around being normal. I breath normal. I break the fifty at Maccas but know I have to get some food for tonight. I like this feeing, this doing stuff for me mum. I walk past a posh supermarket and think, I can go in here, and so I walk in. I look at security and he looks at me. Shit! Thereâs so much light, so much stuff. I look at all the packets on the shelves and donât know half of them. Thereâs a whole room full vegetables. Itâs like a farm or somethinâ. Donât know half of them either. What are ya supposed to do with âem? I look for the can section and pick up two cans of spaghetti. Me mum loves spaghetti on toast. I see all the bread on a huge table. What is all this shit? Breadâs bread. I take one that looks like real bread, a square one, and the skinny guy at the check-out looks at me as if Iâve forgotten somethin. âWhat are ya lookinâ at?â I say. He looks away and then back at me and says, âNothing at all, mate. Nothing at all.â And itâs like I hear the words heâs sayinâ but itâs not what heâs sayinâ and I can feel my ears burninâ and that thumpinâ again. âHow ya goinâ?â Itâs the security guy with a weak little smile on his puss. And more words but itâs not what heâs sayinâ. What the fuck is he sayinâ? And I want to scream so fuckinâ loud and punch his fuckinâ prissy face, cut his cock off, and shove it up his arse, but thereâs so much fuckinâ light in here. I can feel it like sunshine and I say âFine, thanks,â and it comes out like it isnât me and I suddenly donât know where I am. This skinny guy is handinâ me some money. âHereâs your change.â I look at it. I take it. âDonât forget your stuff.â What? I take the bag and head for the street. I can feel security followinâ me. What did I do? What did I say? The worldâs a mess and I have to side-step a man with a broom. âFuck off!â I yell at him.
I get home and walk inside. Nothinâ but stink. And mess. No sound. I put the grocery bag on the table. It takes me five goes to find the toaster. I want to do this for me mum. I plug it in. Iâm gonna make me mum some spaghetti on toast. I canât find a pot so I use a fryinâ pan. Itâs got stuff stuck to it but thereâs no washing stuff so, fuck it. I ring-pull the spaghetti and tip the sloppy stuff in the pan. I turn on the gas. I put two slices of bread in the toaster and push the level. Bang! Thereâs a flash, sparks, and I nearly shit myself. Fuck! Is that supposed to happen? I push the lever again. Nothinâ. Again. Nothinâ. Again. Nothinâ. My jaw aches. Again. Nothinâ! I yank the toaster from its socket and throw it into the lounge room. It hits the floor and a shower of crumbs flies up like a bombâs gone off. I have to keep doinâ somethinâ or Iâll explode. A cup of tea. Iâll make me mum a cup of tea. Yeah. I search through the cupboards. Nothing but shit and stuff. Stuff and shit. Whereâs the fuckinâ tea bags? I smell smoke or somethinâ and I turn to see the spaghetti burning in the pan. I grab it and throw the whole fuckinâ lot in the sink with all the other shit. I stand there with my mouth shut tight, tryinâ to steady my breathing. The thump-thump-thumping is deafening. I want to scream but me mumâs still asleep.
And then I remember. And the thought is like sunshine, like a birthday present. It could be happiness, even. The thumping stops and I suddenly want to laugh. The burger! Iâve got a burger in the fridge. Me mumâs burger. Itâs there. Just there in the fridge. Me mum was right. I thought about the future, Iâve got this burger and now everythingâs OK. This new feeling is strange, but kryst, it feels good. Iâll take her a nice burger. I get it out, un-wrap it, and find a clean plate, well sort of. I put the burger on the plate and take it into me mum. Sheâs still asleep. I get a little closer and I reach down to wake her like I always do. Thereâs vomit on her check and I can smell a different stink. What is that? I touch her shoulder and itâs like touching the toaster. Is this dead? I stand there. Me mumâs dead. I hear myself saying it. Me mumâs dead. I donât know what to do. Itâs like sheâs been turned off, or something. What am I supposed to do? Dunno. I eat her burger.